So often people share their stories of the past and all the great memories they have. As I sat here this morning, trying to think of a glorious story to share, I have come up with nothing.
Now as I did not have a bad childhood, it was also not full of fond memories like all childhoods should be. Growing up with an alcoholic father and a brother with an attitude that would out do any teenager going through puberity does not leave a lot of room for the good times to roll.
I can only remember one time my father going on a trip with us as a family, and that was only because it was to go look at a timeshare in NY that he was interested in. If the price was right and the deal made, he would then have a new fishing retreat that only my brother would ever get to enjoy. We did take family vacations but they were always without my father. My grandmother was always willing to fill the void and for that I am very greatful for her, at times she was the best father anyone could ever have.
Even after my parents separated and my father tried to bond his new family with his old one, the "family" vacations were limited. The first year we all, my step brother and sister, my step mom, my father and brother and I, packed up and headed for a lake in NY. Ahh, any girls dream, a week away from her boyfriend and fishing, it just could not get any better than this. Even though it was not my dream vacation, I have finally got my father away from civilization and all to myself so I was going to make the best of it. The week went by quickly and all in all it was a good week even though I never got to spend one on one time that I so desperately wanted with my father. We headed home with promises of a beach vacation for the girls the next year. To this day I wait for that call that my new family and I will be going to the beach for the summer vacation we were promised so long ago. I wonder if my father ever thinks about it?
2 comments:
My father was an alcoholic too, Michelle. I know that feeling of desperately wanting to spend some one-on-one time with him. Even on those occasions we'd find ourselves alone together, there was never any quality. There was always a third presence, the alcoholism. It closed him off from me, my mom and my sister. He was emotionally unavailable and I think he liked it that way. I was angry with him for a very long time until I finally understood that it's a disease, one that unfortunately has been a part of my life too.
You know, childhood is such a magical time. Although, there are times I look back and think there was much sadness in my family, if I look at it differently I see that I was a pretty happy, go lucky kid. I had friends, I got up to no good, had huge adventures, there was food on the table and a roof over my head. I can honestly say, my childhood was pretty good all things considered.
ciao bella~
CeeCi
ps. Thank you for sharing this. Is your brother still such a pain?
My dad wasn't an alcoholic. He was just a selfish, mal-equipped, misinformed man who was emotionally and mentally about 15 years old.
There is very little at all that I look back on in childhood that was joyful. Everything was touched and tainted by whatever I was going through. So, I don't miss one molecule of it, nor do I look back fondly. Ever.
But it's like my favorite Bette Midler quote: "I'd rather have a terrible childhood and a wonderful adulthood, then a wonderful childhood and a terrible adulthood." So true.
~S :)
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